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Recovery is not all about sunshine rainbows and blue skies. Recovery is facing and dealing with reality head-on. Recovery is way better than addiction, but while recovery is an everyday process there will be trials and tribulations. There will be ups and downs a lot of emotional days where you just feel like you won't make it. No one ever said recovery was sugar and spice they never said it would happen overnight. But they did say it would be worth it. Not that easy not rainbows and sunshine but worth it. You're not broken you are bent and you are fixable, you are worth fixing always remember that it is not easy life is not easy but it surely is worth it.

Walking down the hall to the apartment door I hear the loud music in the adult laughter. School was hard it was stressful but I know you don’t want to hear about it so I say my day was fine so you don’t complain about me taking up your time. Off to my room with homework I don’t understand no one to help me and I can’t concentrate anyway music too loud talking even louder I cover my ears and wish for something better. soon all the kids will Pile in better hide the things I don’t want anyone to see I Scrambled to my feet hiding my things. Back to wishing I had some one else’s life I play Barbies that’s my Escape I can give them the life that I want I can live through them until the loud noise from the living room brings me back to reality again. I sit looking out of my bedroom window I watch the cars go by the planes take off in the sky. I wish that one of them would come take me to a New Life. I have no one it’s just me I want to be a...

I feel like a robot that’s program to do the same shit just at different times. My mind is stuck on a constant rewind. I can’t break free these walls they are closing in on me! For a moment I think I can see but then reality snaps back at me. I scream I just want to be free but the robot inside of me laughs and says let’s not be silly. My mind’s on rewind the past the Broken Dreams all that should be dead to me but it plays all the time in my damn mind over and over again. I’m ready to call it quits I just want to be free, free from me I don’t want to remember think or feel! I want the key to be free so that my mind body and soul can heal! I just want to meet the new me!

Through my eyes I have seen despare, torture, torment nothing to spare. Through my eyes I have seen pain hurt no love nothing there. Through my eyes I have seen grey skies clouds everywhere. Through my eyes I have seen confusion chaos no closure anywhere. Through my eyes I have seen scars so deep nothing could hide them wounds open so far nothing could cover them. Through my eyes I have seen Hearts broken in more than two lie so thick I wished it wasn’t you. Through my eyes I have seen nothing but Darkness. Through my eyes I have seen nothing but Evil Within.

You pop those pills drink that liquor that all makes the pain stop quicker. The pain isn’t on the outside it’s on the inside deep within your soul. You try and hide it but life gets out of control. you feel like you’re on a roller coaster ride up down round and round side to side and then when you start to come down, it’s not over here comes the merry go round faster faster it’s all a blur you want to stop but it’s way deeper. you stumble and fall and you get back on because you feel safer now these rides are getting out of control. you can’t see yourself anymore the pain in your soul is back and these drugs and alcohol ain’t doing jack. But it’s too late the devil’s deep inside you; you can’t get off. The hole you have is so deep no strength nothing left. This is all started because the pain was on the inside and nobody could see so it was easy to cover up and you didn’t have to believe.

When I met you I was cracked but still together, You broke me and changed me forever. I wanted love, I wanted that family life, I wanted a man to do right by me. but yet all you did was lie and hide things from me. I didn't need you to tell me you loved me, but you did and I still don't know why? I didn't need you to tell me you would stay forever. Those words turned out to be a lie. You said me and you forever I thought we were Bonnie and Clyde but damn boy that was a lie. You broke me in two and yet I still can't hate you. You lied cheated played me for a fool I was so embarrassed but I still didn't leave you. Never give my heart time to heal just kept running back to you. What you have done is so cruel one day Karma will get you. I hope by then I'm long gone just a memory in your mind, One that plays on rewind I don't wish this pain upon you. I hope you do see I was good to you even if you did just play me for a fool. sincerely yours The woman...

I have been told that I was not good enough smart enough skinny enough pretty enough. yet those same people that told me this stuff have my skeletons in their closet than a cemetery has Graves.

Are you looking for a life coach or an active recovery coach? Not sure if it's worth the hype? Why not give coaching a try!!! For free the first 10 days of February I am giving away free services no contracts you can stop at any time 100% confidential 100% online on the phone or on FaceTime anytime I will work with your schedule. You have hopes you have goals you have dreams I can help you achieve them. If you are interested in receiving services please contact me at NikkiLynnRT@gmail.com